I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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