I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
