ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
