So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
