what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
