Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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