I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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