please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
