Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
