oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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