You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
