I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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