Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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