ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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