it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
