On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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