I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
