last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
