Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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