new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
