I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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