The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
