dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
