I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
