KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love having hate sex.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
