the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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