i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
