hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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