her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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