yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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