She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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