I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
