Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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