Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
