There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
