I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
