I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
