They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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