there's paper in my vomit.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
