working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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