Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
