i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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