I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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