He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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