Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
