he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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