Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize