Everything about him screamed your future.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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