How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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