i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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