It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
