we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
