Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
