Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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