nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
