we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
