We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
A bitchslap is in order.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
