why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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