i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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