i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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