she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
