he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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