This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
