after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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