im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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