Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
