Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
