I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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