I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
