Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
