I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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