If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
