Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
