Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize