did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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