take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
