You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
