I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
