Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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