i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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