I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
