I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
