I'm going to jail i love you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Welp...herpes.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
