bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize