Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
