I look better un-naked...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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