2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
