There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I still have a little drunk in my system
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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