Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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