That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
