also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
