He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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