she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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