Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
