They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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