Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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