I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
