Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
