Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
