he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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